“No”, possibly the most powerful word in the English language, for when you hear the word “no” it has the power to change EVERYTHING . By it’s very definition “no” is negative.
1. (a NEGATIVE used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)
How do you feel when someone tells you “no”? Do you feel rejected, disappointed, sad, angry, frustrated? When someone tells you “no” does it change how you go about accomplishing the goals in which you intended to achieve for that day? Does hearing “no” impact you so deeply that after hearing it you need a counseling session and for the rest of the day you find yourself calling your friends or business partners to tell them your “no” story? If you can relate to one or more of these examples, you’re not alone. For me, hearing the word “no” takes me back to the fear and rejection that I felt as a short, chubby, mullet sporting 12-year-old, when the “girl of my dreams” said “no” to my request to accompany her to our school dance.
It’s absolutely crazy that, 32 years later, I am still recalling that memory and somehow allowing it to affect me in my professional life. Don’t get me wrong, “no” doesn’t stop me, I can handle rejection with the best of them, after all I did have a mullet, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me.
So this morning, as I was considering what to write about, I decided that it was time to confront that 12-year-old little boy and release that “no” association forever. In doing so I asked myself, what does “no” really mean? What if that little girl wasn’t really saying “no” to me, like I thought all these years, but rather was saying no for another reason like:
1) She can’t dance.
2) Her parents wouldn’t allow it.
3) She was nervous that my mullet would make her hair look bad because my mullet was so AWESOME!
and the list could go on and on….
The moral of the story is this. The next time someone tells you “no”, realize that it isn’t necessarily personal. They may have their own reasons or insecurities about saying “yes”. “No” may be a request for more information. It may mean “no” for now but not “no” forever. Remember that little girl? Well, I didn’t give up and in my early 20’s that little girl and I went on a date and you know what? She wasn’t the “girl of my dreams” after all.
So today I encourage you to confront your own “no” demons by taking action to the following
1) Consider if you have a “no” memory from your childhood. If you do, confront it and release it.
2) Stop talking about it. Vow to no longer allow rejection the power to consume your day. “No” is just a “no”. No counseling session required!
3) Keep moving forward. Understand that for every yin there is a yang and for every “no” there is a “yes”. By releasing the negative energy associated with rejection you are much more likely to keep going and to find your “yes”.
I hope that you have a great day!